We all have them – triggers. However, we are not all aware that we do or even what they are. For example you may notice that you are talking with your spouse and they make an innocent comment, such as “You know what you should do,” and suddenly your stomach begins to churn and you…
Author Willard Harley wrote a book years ago titled, “Love Busters.” In it he compared the love that we give and receive to our mate with managing our checking accounts. For example, with our bank accounts, we make deposits and withdrawals. Similarly, in our significant relationships, we make love deposits and love withdrawals. As long…
Have you ever heard someone make the statement, “He/She just brings out the worst in me?” Usually, the statement is made by the person who has just reacted angrily, said something inappropriate, or done something foolish. But rather than own their misbehavior, they attempt to place the blame on the other person by making it…
How would you sum up what a great apology looks like? You probably want it to be sincere, but what else? There are certainly things that can cancel out an apology. For example, if someone has deeply hurt you and they toss a flippant “Sorree,” your way, I doubt that you feel any better. You…
We often hear that “It’s not the quantity of time we have together but the quality of time that counts.” While this isn’t completely accurate, because we need a certain quantity of time in order to have quality time. I mean, if I have good quality time with my spouse for 5 minutes a day,…
You’ve been married for 20 years plus. Life with your spouse has become predictable. For the most part, you know each other’s habits and idiosyncrasies, and maybe can even complete each other’s sentences. So, the question is – is there anything left to learn. While it may not feel as though there is, I would…
I just finished sitting with a couple who are exhausted! In the last four years they have moved to 5 different states, one of them has been fighting off a significant health challenge, and they are attempting to navigate life with an 18 year old high school senior with ADHD. So, if you were guessing,…
I just finished a session with a client who is very much walking on eggshells. He is anxious, his stomach is in knots, his blood pressure is up, and he has been on the verge of a panic attack. Why? Because there are some issues he knows that he needs to discuss with his mate,…
As you read that title, you may immediately pull up images of people that contribute to your happiness, as well as those who don’t. You may think of how well you get along with certain friends or where you clash with siblings (or the other way around). But according to the Journal of Personality and…
It’s been a long week and you are looking forward to going out to dinner with your spouse. For some reason you have been thinking all day about Mexican food. Your mouth is watering for some chips and salsa. Your mate comes through the door and says, “I’m hungry. I thought maybe we could try…