Most of us have heard the term “alpha” used in reference to male wolves. It conjures up the image of one who is firmly in charge, running the show, dictating what everyone should be doing. It is a picture of power and control. However, I would contend is an inaccurate characterization of wolves and the reality of their relationships. And when it is applied to humans, it is even more inaccurate – and destructive.
Yellowstone National Park Researcher Rick McIntyre states the primary characteristic of an alpha male wolf “is a quiet confidence.” “You know what you need to do; you know what’s best for your pack. You lead by example. You’re very comfortable with that. You have a calming effect.” Wow! This is quite different from what we typically think. It would also be a much easier male to follow as well as live with.
But another relevant fact to come out of this study was that “alpha” doesn’t just apply to males. The female wolves are known to do most of the decision making for the pack. This includes “where to travel, when to rest, and when to hunt.” As biologist Doug Smith states, “It’s the alpha female who really runs the show.”
As a result of these two individual but complimentary roles we see then a sharing of responsibilities: faithful males leading with a quite assuredness in the care of their families while the females set the tone for the pack. Needless to say, there are lessons for us as husbands and wives to apply in our marriages and our families. I want to suggest that you do two things today: 1) share this information with your spouse (this is the easy thing), and 2) based upon this information, communicate with them ways that you would like to tweak how you live this out in your relationship with them. Is it a little intimidating? Certainly. But it has the potential to revolutionize your relationship.