“Jealousy is a form of delusion, based on the notion that someone’s gain is somehow our loss.” As I recently read that quote, I thought, “Hey that’s a great quote. I can’t believe they thought of that before I did. Boy, I’ll show them.” Ok, only kidding on that last thought. However, what I did ponder was how frequently people feel that someone else’s gain is their loss – even when it is their spouse, or even worse, their kids.
I sat with a couple a few months ago and listened as the husband shared how he felt that his wife hold told their friends private information – information that did not paint him in a good light. As he emphatically stated, “I felt thrown under the bus.” Now my first thought was, “Oh he is probably exaggerating. Yet, when I asked her about it, she sheepishly admitted that she had actually done the very thing he had been hurt by.
You see, she was jealous. She had observed how their friends respected him but she didn’t feel that she received the same recognition. The more accolades he received, the more she felt unimportant and even useless. So, she competed in the only way she knew how – she cut him off at the knees. But, of course, this did not provide any gain for herself; only guilt and regret.
Most of the time we probably wouldn’t feel jealous of our mate’s accomplishments. But when we do, we have choices about how we handle it. We can: take them down a notch, throw water on their parade, withdraw and pout, or we can take a reflective look inside to see what is going on. If we will choose the latter and then openly communicate with our spouse about our struggle, we will do more to feel good about our self as well as garner our spouse’s support.
So, this week I suggest that instead of pouring your energies into delusions, you invest them into supportive communication with your partner.