“I looked forward to getting married all of my life and then it happened – however, it has been a disaster. Needless to say, it has definitely not met my expectations. I am so very disappointed.” “I remember when my wife lost her temper and said some extremely hurtful things. I was stunned and disappointed and I just came seem to get past it.”
I once read a movie quote saying “The only real failure is the failure to try, and the measure of success is how we cope with disappointment.” You see, we all get disappointed. It happens around both big things as well as little things. It is unavoidable. And yet, so many relationships get derailed by it and just can’t seem to recover. They get stuck in a cycle of disappointment. This result is a perspective that sees disillusionment around every corner resulting in a clear loss of hope.
However, you don’t have to camp there. You can change the downward spiral by beginning with just a couple of things. First, trace your pain of disappointment to its root cause. It is not really the event that causes the pain but rather what we think about it. For example – consider the difference in thinking, “we arrived at the game late and now the evening will be ruined,” or “we just missed the first inning, the rest of the game should be fun.” Second, think about disappointments the way that Thomas Edison looked at his hundreds of light bulb failures – they were opportunities to learn and signs that he was still trying.
Yes, your spouse has probably disappointed you (as you have them). Rather than choosing to camp there – this week examine how you might change your perception of those events and move from resignation to continuing to try. While not a cure all, the results of those two simple steps may surprise you.