I recall watching an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond,” in which we are transported back to when Raymond and Debra decided to get married. Debra talked about how she had dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. Over the years she had thought about what she would wear, the size of the wedding, and the details of what that day might be like. Now she was thrilled to be getting married – almost so much so that Raymond felt as though this wedding were not about them but rather he was simply the vehicle that would allow Debra to have her dream wedding.
While this may only be the plot of a sitcom, I wonder how these dreams and plans impact the reality and longevity of actual marriages.
Research professors from the University of Denver recently reported two consistent patterns that were discovered as they studied both the size and expenditures related to weddings. First, larger weddings correlated to healthier marriages. Those couples who had 150 or more in attendance, reported significantly higher quality marriages than those who had less than 50 guests. At the same time, those couples who reported spending $20,000 or more for the wedding ceremony had approximately a six times greater risk of divorce than those who spent half as much.
These results are intriguing and almost seem in contradiction, as weddings that have more attendees cost more money. But the researchers noted two interesting takeaways from this study. First, when greater cost creates stress and pressure for the couple before they even say “I do,” many have a difficult time getting things started on solid footing. This may have to do with misplaced priorities – thinking that the best band, superb decorations, or the perfect venue translates into a happy marriage. Not so.
However, the second takeaway regarding the size of the wedding found that weddings with increased numbers of guests typically had two things going for them. 1) They were willing to make a public declaration of their commitment to one another before a large group of people, and 2) these couples were more likely to have friends and family who see this relationship as something worth supporting.
Whether you are contemplating marriage or are a seasoned veteran – here is the relevant tip for you: cultivate meaningful relationships as a couple. Prioritize building your social network with couples, as well as individuals, who value and support the sacred commitment of your marriage. That comradery just may be the support that you need right now.