I remember as a kid that Christmases were my favorite time of the year.  We almost always spent the holiday with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins, who were such great fun.  They lived in another state and they either came to our house or we went to theirs.  We looked forward to getting together and hated it when the visit ended.

However, many families today do not share the same experience. For some, the discord and tension that exists could be cut with a knife.  When the holidays begin with family members braced for the worst – the worst is what too often takes place.  But what can you do?  I want to offer three suggestions today to help you navigate this Christmas.

  • Determine to model good behavior. While relatives often display their most obnoxious behaviors with other family members, you do not have to respond in kind.  Yes, I know that their rude behavior and unkind words can raise your blood pressure to unhealthy levels, but responding in kind will only exacerbate that.  You do not have to wrestle in the mud with them.  Instead determine to respond with grace and kindness.  You will provide a good model for your children as well as you will feel better about yourself.
  • Construct bridges. Building upon the positive behaviors in the previous step, work to find common ground with your family.  Setting out to interact with loving behaviors with family members who are difficult to even like, is not easy.  But if you are diligent about this, it can provide the foundation for building more solid relational bridges.
  • Know your limit and take breaks. Even when you do your best at positive interactions, there may be times when that sibling or parent is pushing your buttons with the goal of derailing you and making you look a little nuts.  Don’t take the bait.  Instead, know that it is OK to take a break from the interaction to regain your cool and gather your thoughts.

While these steps don’t guarantee peace and harmony this holiday season, they may at least begin to change the old family dynamics.  Remember, the way you have been doing this year after year has probably only led to increased aggravation.  But endeavoring to do it differently just might lead to new possibilities.  I hope these steps might lead to a merrier Christmas.