I have a good friend who is a public school administrator. Frequently this individual is confronted with a variety of situations that require additional information. It may have something to do with a Principal needing more information from a parent or a teacher needing clarity around a student issue. Sometimes it is even another administrator who needs additional facts. My friend will frequently ask the person who does not have what they are needing – “Did you ask the question?” Now you may be asking “What question?” The answer is – the question that needs to be asked in order to acquire the needed information. If you are suddenly thinking – “wouldn’t that be obvious,” you are not the first to do so.
However, this same mistake is made by many of us every day of the week. The number of couples who sit in my office, making behavioral choices with regards to their spouse, based upon faulty assumptions is astounding. One might say, “well, of course I was angry with him. When I saw that look, I knew he was upset and was going to give me the cold shoulder for not picking up the mail.” To which I may respond, “how do you know that?” “I just know,” she replies. He proceeds to say, “the look that she saw was my frustration with the credit card company.” Yet, they were upset and didn’t speak for 24 hours because of assumptions. How could this have been avoided? If someone had ask the question. If she had asked him what the look of frustration was about. If he had asked her what she was angry about. If someone would have “asked the question.”
What assumptions have you made that have led to friction and misunderstandings? What actions have you taken that were based upon sketchy information at best? Out of fairness and love and respect for your spouse, when you are uncertain – ask the question!