I was recently reminded while reading an article from Parenting with Love and Logic of the crucial nature of empathy. It is the cornerstone upon which our entire relational house is built. And, while they are primarily focused on parent’s relationships with their children, the principle applies to all relationships – especially those with our spouse, children, parents, in-laws – in other words, with our family. As they write, “Empathy demonstrates love. Love provides hope.” Adapting some of their concepts, I want to offer some thoughts around this topic today.
- When we create hope in our relationships, it can motivate people to take risks in the relationship; exploring new and perhaps healthier ways to love. With our kids, it can give them the opportunity to make mistakes while still in the safety of our home. With our spouse, it can create an environment rich with the optimism that comes when sincere empathy is expressed.
- Providing empathy requires that we tolerate imperfections in our home world. That may mean that we put up with some of our kid’s messiness rather than having everything in its designated place at all times. It can also mean that we may need to adopt greater flexibility when our mate doesn’t provide us with the fairy tale life, where all issues are cleanly resolved with agreement all of the time.
- While lectures, threats, and anger may provide some illusory sense of control, they rarely create a sense of caring and a feeling that I am more important than the other person’s personal agenda.
This week’s tip – you guessed it – in order to create, as well as receive, the love you desire in your family, offer empathy first and continuously.