How frequently do you make a reference to something that you have told your spouse previously, only to have them respond that they don’t know what you are talking about? If that happens too often, you may find yourself wanting to pull your hair out. You are convinced that he or she doesn’t listen which, of course, leaves you feeling that you just aren’t that important to them. I mean, if you were valuable to them, they would listen – right?
The common denominator of healthy marriages is strong communication. By that I don’t mean – loud or opinionated. I mean effective. While it is the responsibility of all of us to engage in good listening practices, I want to suggest a couple of things that we can also do that might help our mate to listen better.
First, it can be helpful to consider the timing of your conversation. For example, when he or she walks in the door from work might not be the time to find them most receptive. It is not uncommon for individuals to need some decompress time before they are able to fully engage in attentive conversation.
Second, is for you to consider your tone, facial expressions, or body language. In other words, how you deliver your message. You may have heard someone say to you, “It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.” Often it can be as simple as pausing to examine our motives before we speak. If we want to “set them straight,” it is likely to show through in how we say it. We may need to take an internal look at our heart before we speak.
So, while these two thoughts might not seem particularly profound, the reminder to our thinking could possibly foster improved listening. I hope you will try these tips this week.