“Violation” is not a word that we use frequently (unless we spend lots of time in traffic court for speeding), but it is one we feel often. Someone ignores or disrespects us, they take something of ours that doesn’t belong to them, they disregard our feelings, and the list goes on and on. When these things happen, we feel violated and we may even try to dish out “pay back.” Yet when we do this, rarely do we feel good about it.
You see, we serve an Almighty God, who is all about forgiveness. Scriptures indicate that His forgiveness of our sins is frequently connected to our willingness to forgive others who have wronged us. While it may be an easy concept for us to intellectually grasp – it can be tough as nails to follow through on with those we love – especially if they have gravely wronged us in some manner. Yet, research indicates that those couples who both seek forgiveness from each other as well as offer it, are more successful in their relationships. I want to offer four steps that you may find helpful in forgiving your mate.
- Try to take a break from focusing on what happened and how the person wronged you. It is too easy to get caught up in a singular focus that blocks out all rational thinking.
- Be intentional about NOT punishing the individual. This can happen with unkind harsh words, pouting, belittling, and continual reminders of their mistakes.
- Give your memory a break. Actively work to “let go” of thoughts about what transpired.
- Actively redirect your thinking. Give up your “right” to respond in kind. It is easy to hold on to resentment and hang on to your desire to retaliate. Make a conscious decision to instead work for the other person’s good.
Holding tightly to your anger and unwillingness to forgive can sometimes feel good, in the short run. But in the end it can turn sour and toxic in your soul.
Work this week to forgive the wrongs of your partner and cut them some slack – just as you want them to do with you.