Bret was working out in the garage when Susan came out to discuss a sticky situation with him regarding one of the children. She knew that they had different perspectives on the situation and would probably disagree on how best to handle this. As they talked (actually – argued), Bret could feel his blood pressure rising and Susan sensed the tension increasing. After a few minutes, they decided to go sit in the living room to finish their discussion. Surprisingly, while sitting on the couch they were able to get on the same page in pretty short order. Why did that make a difference?
A recent study that came out of MIT, Harvard, and Yale showed “that people are more flexible and accommodating when they sit on cushioned surfaces.” Hmm – “Well that is easy,” you might think. “We will just sit on the couch from now on and all of our arguments will be settled.” Ok – it might not be that easy. But think about it – when you are sitting on a hard surface, you may find yourself getting uncomfortable and anxious to end the discussion. This may lead to short and even irritated responses. While sitting on a cushioned surface allows you to feel more comfortable and not in as much of a hurry. Out of that can result a more productive discussion.
As I reflected on this study, I was reminded that my wife recently purchased cushions for the wooden chairs in our dining room. We had some friends over for dinner a few weeks ago and wound up spending the entire evening in the dining room rather than moving into the living room, which would have probably been our normal pattern. We had a great time and there is no doubt in my mind that the new cushions made the difference.
So, while cushions do not solve arguments, if the chance of being able to work together is even slightly increased by sitting on the couch – I encourage you to try that approach this week. Every little bit helps. Let me know how it goes.