Time and again I hear from couples who talk about their lost intimacy. It seemed to develop easily in the beginning of their marriage, but now . . . they are uncertain, intimidated, and even afraid of intimacy. But what happened?
King Solomon, in writing the book “Song of Songs” in the Bible, was composing a marriage love-making manual. In it he describes everything from the exclusivity of our marriage relationship – “My lover is mine and I am his” (2:16) to the powerful and protective nature of public display of affection – “He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love” (2:4). He goes into greater detail of lovemaking as well. But the powerful concept that I see communicated throughout this book is that making love with your spouse is a strong contributor to intimacy. And I am talking here about much more than just having sex.
Intimacy is developed over time and through a number of stages. This is one of the reasons that I commonly see couples who may have been married for years, and even had an active sex life, but have never really developed strong bonds of intimacy. But here is the cool thing – if you find yourself in that place, know that it is not too late to develop intimate connections with your spouse.
We will look more next week at steps to intimacy, but I want to leave you with a foundational step today and that is “conversation.” Beginning to share, as you may have done early on in your relationship, your thoughts, dreams, and passions is essential. What is important to you? What do you long for? While this may seem like a tall order, I would ask you this week to do one thing. Think about the passion that you would most like to share with your spouse, if you felt emotionally safe, and ask that question of your spouse. For example, if you have a dream that you would really like to see come to pass in the next 5 years, before you try to share that, ask your husband or wife what is one dream that he or she would like to see fulfilled in the next 5 years. Begin there and see what doors might begin to ope