Have you ever experienced regret? Now I know that sounds like a truly absurd question. A better question might be, when have we not experienced regret? Most of us can recall poor decisions, impulsive choices, and warped rationalizations (too many to count), that we wish we would have handled differently.
While some of those choices may have caused us to spend more than we needed to on a given product, others have led to the demise of significant relationships. You may have found yourself asking questions such as, “What could I have done differently? How could I have prevented the argument from escalating? Where did I go wrong?” And while these are all good questions, once we discover the needed answers, it is critical that we then move on.
I had a client in my office today who is emotionally paralyzed in her 3rd marriage because she is still beating herself up with regrets about marriage #1. And while it would be accurate to say that she probably could have handled things more effectively in that prior relationship – her ongoing regrets from that first marriage are liable to erode the foundations of her current relationship.
We all make mistakes – lots of them. And I can never undo them all no matter how much I wish I could. Fortunately, I don’t have to. I have been redeemed by the grace of a merciful God who clearly says to me, “you are forgiven – quit sinning and move on from here” (My paraphrase).
My encouragement to you today is simply this – you have made mistakes with your partner – making a condescending statement, uttering unkind words, bringing up wrongs from the past, and the list goes on. But today, determine to stop. You can’t go back and right all of the wrongs, but you can stop. Follow that up with a commitment to offer loving behaviors instead. Oh sure, you will still mess up. But rather than camping at regret, allow the regret to propel you forward toward more loving choices.