Have you ever found yourself sitting with someone who “has it all together?” They seem to have the perfect tan, the ideal job, the flawless children, unmatchable vacations, teeth that can’t get any whiter, and not a hair out of place. How relaxed did you feel in their presence? My guess is, not very. Instead you are more likely to feel tension and stress, knowing that you cannot measure up.
On the other hand, as you spend time with your friend whose house is cluttered, their children have ketchup stains on their clothes, they typically blurt out things without thinking, and they hang out in their sweats – you are more likely to feel comfortable and accepted.
You see, while we may think that we need to be perfect (which we don’t), we typically don’t want to hang out with “perfect.” We want friends, companions, and especially spouses, who are real, authentic, and have survived the difficult and broken places of life. As one writer said, “Affection leaks out of cracked hearts.” We want to connect with those who know what it is like to have loved and lost, to have faced up to their pettiness and selfishness, who can identify with my emotional messiness. We want genuineness. And just as we want that – so do our mates and other significant relationships.
What would happen today if we were to commit ourselves to allowing others to know our cracked hearts and allow our very real affections to leak out? Maybe we should try it and see.