“When happiness shows up always give it a comfortable seat.” – Charles Dickens
Neuroscientists have repeatedly demonstrated that the more we reinforce thinking in our brains, the stronger those connections become. For example, re-experiencing a trauma can lead to irrational but paralyzing fears.
It is interesting to notice how things like insults, discouragement, or bitterness in our relationships can seem to become super-glued to us. We can’t seem to shake the wounds and hurts, causing us distress, that just don’t seem to let go. We sometimes carry those around with us for years, blocking our abilities to connect with those we love – sometimes destroying those relationships all together. Yet, at the same time, positive experiences such as compliments and other good feelings seem to slide off of us like Teflon.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could reverse these experiences? Well, actually we can. If we will work to change our focus as to the thoughts we reinforce, we will begin to change our brain circuitry. It will allow us to experience those positive feelings more often and for longer periods of time. But how can we begin to do that?
Two tips for you this week- first, look for those good things. Rather than hear a compliment from your mate and simply sluff it off, pause for a moment and enjoy it. Secondly, look for ways to offer those feel-good moments to your husband or wife. Becoming more aware of these positive experiences can help them to stick around instead of simply sliding away. Give it a try. I’ll bet you will enjoy savoring those positive experiences as will your mate.