Beginning in 1986 Terri Orbuch, an author and psychologist commenced a study in which she followed the lives of 373 married couples for over 20 years.  Nearly half of these couples had divorced over the decades (pretty typical numbers), and they shared with the researcher lessons that they had learned as a result of their divorces that they believed would help them in future relationships.  Often individuals who experience divorce are so eager to just make their pain go away that they rush into the next “feel good” relationship without learning the important lessons needed to avoid another train wreck.  I appreciate that these couples learned lessons and were willing to share them.  Here are the top three tips:

  • Show You Care. Many regretted not showing their spouse more affection and said that it would have made a difference.
  • Talk About Money. Nearly half of the divorced couples said they fought over money and addressing the issue early on would have helped alleviate problems.
  • Express Yourself. Communicate, communicate, communicate!  Over forty percent of the couples said that better communication would have made a difference.  Individuals regretted not asking more questions and said they should have revealed more about themselves as well.

Some of you reading this have been “unlucky in love” while others of you are trying to pull a marriage out of a tail spin.  Many couples are in a position of wanting to just keep improving a marriage that is relatively healthy.  Whatever situation you find yourself in – I encourage you to carefully examine these three tips.  Which one do you see that you most need to focus on in your relationship this week?