There is an event recorded in the Bible in John 5, where Jesus encounters a man who has been crippled for 38 years. The man is laying by a pool that is believed to have special healing qualities for the first person to get it in when the waters are miraculously stirred. However, because he is crippled, he is never the first one to get in. Hence, he has remained there for 38 years.
As Jesus speaks with him, He asks the man, “Do you want to be healed?” I know this may seem like a silly question to ask a crippled man, but He is asking it for a reason that you can read about in that passage.
Similarly, I sit with couples day after day who come into my office dragging the remnants of their tattered marriage with them. They are hurting and are their often in crisis. Sometimes after hearing their story, I am inclined to ask, “Do you want things to get better?” At that point they may look at me like I have two heads, because they assume that I should already know that. I mean they are in my office, so it should be obvious that they want to get better. However, the reality is – they don’t always want that.
I have at times felt that I should be wearing a referee shirt, because I think they really just want to blame and have me tell them who is right and who is wrong. In their minds that want to be validated and justified and walk away feeling that they were the “more right” one. As silly as it may sound, this is more important to many then actually having things improve.
So, my encouragement this week is – if you are not happy with some area of your relationship, ask yourself this question – “Do I want things to be better?” If you really do, then follow that question up with – “Regardless of whether my position is validated, what choices am I willing to make to help improve them?” Now – – – go for it.