As you read that title, you are probably thinking, “Of course not.” And that echoes the sentiments of most of us. We hate suffering. We want comfort. We want to lay in a hammock, drink wine, nap, get a massage – anything that pampers ourselves. But suffer – no thanks; I am happy to skip that.
In an interview last year, author Malcolm Gladwell was asked “What’s the one thing you’d like us to take away from your book?” She responded with, “That the greatest things in the world come from suffering. It ought to give us solace. A lot of what is most beautiful about the world arises from struggle.”
Before you conclude that he has lost his marbles, ponder that statement. Think about difficulties you and your significant other have struggled through. It might have been a complicated illness, financial issues, a sick child, or caring for parents. The list can go on and on. Yes, it is not unusual for some to allow these challenges to rip them apart. But for others, times of problem solving and getting in the trenches together can be what makes a team.
These events give us opportunity to learn to depend on each other. In doing so we learn that we are not alone in our troubles. Even in sports, when a team rises to the occasion to achieve victory, they often learn some things about themselves as well as their team, and they find that they have bonded in new and strengthening ways.
What struggles have you and your spouse experienced, that when you think back to those times, you discover feelings of satisfaction? In all likelihood they exist, you just have to stop and remember.
I encourage you this week to sit down with your mate and remember – remember not just the struggles but the manner in which the two of you together overcame those challenges. Allow yourselves to allow that wave of bonding to wash over you again. I would say to my wife, “Do I want to suffer? Not really. But if I have to, I’d much rather do it with you.”