I recently had a discussion in my university Marriage and Family class regarding finances, which is often seen as a major source of marital conflict. The discussion centered around debt and financial priorities. It was interesting to hear what various students would go into debt for. The list ranged from houses and cars to televisions and trips. For those who would choose to incur debt for luxuries, they also reported greater stress at home with their spouse. While this was not a profound surprise, it did help to drive home the point that couples often find themselves in conflict over stuff because that is what seems to be most important. It is not uncommon for arguments to get heated to the point that the individuals find themselves demeaning the other person, questioning their trustworthiness, and eventually making the acquisition of stuff more important than the person they live with.
I read an article in which the author used the term ADD to represent “Affluence Distraction Disorder.” He made the point that 50 years ago, we would dream and save and work together in order to make substantial purchases. However, today, we expect it instantly. We don’t have the patience to save and dream. And with that often comes unrealistic expectations of our spouse. We expect them to help us get the stuff we want now, be that technology or fashion. And if they don’t, we are upset! We are distracted from our most important relationships by stuff.
This calls us to question – which is more important? The new furniture or loving my spouse? The next vacation or cherishing my mate? The latest big screen TV or quality time with my partner?
What “things” do you need to put aside or begin to let go of this week that would help you to better focus on your spouse? Which is most important?