American poet Jimmy Santiago Baca once wrote, “Being human without forgiveness is like being a guitarist without fingers.” Most of us think of forgiveness as optional – if I feel like it or if the other person has groveled enough to earn it. But if Baca is correct, then forgiveness is anything but optional –…
When life gets challenging, we all need understanding and support – especially from our spouse. While we all agree with that, or at least we think we do, I would ask, “What are we talking about?” You see when someone says “support” it is easy to think we all mean the same thing but oftentimes…
A New York University researcher reported last year that in a study which allowed people to bend the rules (cheat), individuals were more likely to do so in order to avoid loss rather than to make a gain. I experience this application to marriage on a daily basis. As I encounter couples in my counseling…
I love watching reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond” in part because many of Ray and Debra’s interactions are so common to many marriages. Ray has the propensity (as do many of us) to say and do ridiculous things, resulting in Debra often calling him an idiot. Now while I don’t recommend calling your spouse an…
If you have more than one child, you have probably at some point felt “ganged up on” by the kids. Knowing the power inequity they experience, because you are the parent and they are not, they often find strength in numbers. It is to be expected. However, what you didn’t count on was being ganged…
Normally when we think about protecting ourselves, especially our heart, we imagine that we are attempting to keep others from hurting us. The idea of “protection” conjures up pictures of our being attacked or mistreated in some manner that cause us to erect defenses that will keep us safe. And while those images are accurate,…
“Well, that’s a silly question – of course I do. It’s everyone else that doesn’t.” OK – if we are honest, we will readily admit that we are far from having it “all together.” And yet, when it comes to our most important relationships, we often resist admitting that we make mistakes. Rather than expose…
As we began our recent flight from Colorado Springs to Seattle, for a visit to see family and meet our new grandson, I was reminded of an important message by our flight attendant. “Should there be a loss in cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop down from the overhead compartment.” She then went on…
I can still recall the stories I read as a child or saw in the fairy tale movies. They all seemed to end with, “And they lived happily ever after. – The End.” However, you have probably noticed that real life rarely follows that simple script. It would be wonderful if we met our mate…
Remember those early days of dating? If you were in high school, you guys may have gone to enormous effort to creatively ask her to prom; or endeavored to shop and find her the perfect birthday present. Or you women may have spent hours in front of the mirror working to achieve the “perfect look”…