I have a question for you today. What kind of comments do you make to your spouse? Are they positive, encouraging, supportive, and uplifting or do they tend to lean more towards the negative, critical, and belittling side?
Marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., reveals that couples who are most happy and stable offer five positive remarks for every one negative remark when they are discussing through a conflict. In contrast to this, he discovered that those couples who were on the road heading toward divorce, gave less than one positive comment for every negative remark that they made.
He goes on to state that couples who experience a happy relationship find that theirs are “characterized by respect, affection and empathy, and they pay close attention to what’s happening in each other’s lives.”
As I reflected upon these seemingly simple and straight-forward observations, I couldn’t help but think about those couples in my office who pay little attention to each other’s lives. They seem to individually carry on life in their own world with little regard for that of their partner.
So, two simple tips today. First, I encourage you to work to make sure that you are communicating in your important relationships with a far greater number of positive remarks than negative. Secondly, take a peek into your partner’s world – the things that are most important to him or her. Let them know that you are genuinely interested. These two simple steps could lead to increased warmth and connection. And that would be a positive.