I recently came across the following quote, “Marriage is your last best chance to grow up.” Now, before I go any further, I really want you to let that sink in. So (with Jeopardy music playing in the background), ponder for a moment those words. Ok – “I’ll take growing up for $400.”
Many of us may think that “growing up” was what we did in our teens or maybe even our 20’s. But I would offer for your consideration, that maybe it is after we get married that we truly enter a season with our best chance for growing up.
Think about it – when do you act the most childish – demanding (or at least expecting) to have things the way that you want them. And if you don’t get them, the tantrums follow. Ok, maybe you don’t flail on the floor kicking and screaming like you did when you were a kid (or maybe you do), but you probably know how to pout, give the “cold shoulder,” and punish using silence with the best of them. Some might say, “Well, you don’t understand. He (or she) brings out the worst in me.” Maybe – but in that is the best opportunity to grow.
With pretentious behavior, it is easy to convince others that we have it all together, at least for a while. And for as long as we are able to pull that off, no growth on our part is required. But our partner – now that is another matter. He or she knows us – faults, goofiness, absurdities, and all. We can’t fool them. But we can choose to grow.
Not growing up is easy. Growing up though takes intentional effort. As spouses, we and they can provide loving caring reflection – if we are willing to allow each other to do that. And if we are, this really might be our best chance to grow up. I encourage you to engage authentically with your spouse this week, owning your own stuff while forgiving them for theirs.