Yes! Co-parenting can be extremely challenging as parents frequently arrive at the table with two very different views of just what good parenting looks like. But as tough as that is, what happens if you add a divorce to the mix? If you are divorced, you are probably thinking, “Trying to co-parent is worse than I ever imagined it could be.” And even as difficult as this may be, we owe it to our children to do the best job that we can when it comes to parenting.
While most parents have their own style of parenting, the differences that this may pose is amplified in a divorce. With that comes implications that “My way of parenting is right, while yours is suspect at best.” You can probably imagine how quickly this can raise the hackles of the other parent. I want to suggest three tips today to help those who are divorced and faced with these battles.
First, provide consistent love and discipline. Often parents experience feelings of guilt around the divorce and they may try to make up for this by giving in to a child’s wants even when the parent knows that it is not in their best interest. Kids need loving limits and accountability – especially when they have two separated parental households.
Second, do not get into a battle over parenting styles. As aggravating as it may be, throwing an adult tantrum over what your ex-spouse does, will not change their style. But your kids will feel put in the middle and they may learn some unhealthy approaches to combat these feelings. You don’t want that.
Third, allow your child’s relationship with the other parent be their own. While you may despise your ex for what he or she did to you, it is not your job to alienate your child from the other parent. Some parents may feel that they have a duty to “inform and protect” their child from the “evil” parent. However, except for extreme cases, this is rarely true.
Regardless of how the divorce came about, the best thing that you can do for your kids is to support them as they sort through their own feelings and logistics. They will also learn a great deal from what you model.