Do you remember when you first began dating your mate? I know that for some, that may have been a long time ago. But one of the things that we hopefully experience that keeps us coming back, is a sense that we can trust this person. We trust them not just to be physically safe – but emotionally as well. We envision being able to talk openly with no reservations.

But then something happens and you have your first argument; you walk away feeling hurt. Now you find yourself more hesitant to be open, which leads to the placement of the first brick in your wall of avoidance. If we are not careful, we may find that, unintentionally, with one brick at a time, we have constructed a massive wall over which we can no longer see.

But it is not just that wall – there are others that we construct as well. Author Debra Fileta lists several walls that she sees people build in their relationships – a wall of invalidation, a wall of denial, a wall of passive-aggression, and a wall of humor.

You see, we don’t start out with the intention of building walls. But if we are not diligent in preventing them, we may wake up one day surrounded by a seeming fort. That is when it is time for demolition. It is time to tear down the walls. Since I see clients daily with well-constructed walls, I know that they don’t always come down quickly or easily. But they can come down, even if it is the way they went up – one brick at a time. Not wanting to sound trite in that statement – I will use the next few Relationships Tip blogs to address more specifically ways to accomplish this. But in the meantime, avoid buying more bricks.

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