“I met one woman in Georgia who has been married to her husband for over 60 years. After being asked for her best relationship advice, she paused and then said, ‘Don’t be afraid to be the one who loves most.” – Nate Bagley
I thought about this advice as I sat this week with a couple whose relationship has been fractured. The wife has been deeply wounded emotionally by her husband. While her husband intellectually understands that, he is having difficulty at a heart level. As a result, he is frustrated that she can’t just accept his apology and jump fully back into the marriage game.
As I spent some time with just him, I encouraged him to go above and beyond in his pursuit of his wife’s heart. However, he kept wanting to make this fair. In other words, if he was going to make efforts then she needed to as well. If he were to try to listen and be more open, then it is only appropriate that she invest at the same level. This is what I would call “ledger book thinking.” For example, if he pays her two compliments today, then she needs to also offer two compliments.
While I acknowledge that it would be great if they were both able to emotionally give equally to the relationship – that is not possible right now. The most powerful weapon at his disposal to break this stalemate is to genuinely love his wife. He seems so afraid that if they are not loving evenly then he will be taken advantage of. However, I would submit that if he will stop being afraid of loving most, and instead genuinely give of himself to her without keeping track – the logjam has a much greater chance of breaking loose.
So, my tip this week – is the words of a woman from Georgia – “Don’t be afraid to be the one who loves most.”