Last week I shared with you some of the story of Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher a couple that was married for 86 years. Herbert died at 105 while his wife was 103. What was striking about this couple was that they did not just endure for 86 years but they vibrantly engaged in life together, loving, liking, and supporting each other in the process.
While still living, Herbert and Zelmyra were interviewed and asked about the longevity of their relationship. Last Tuesday I shared with you the first 3 of 7 tips that they offered from that interview. Today I am pleased to pass on the other 4.
- You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
“Everyone who plants a seed and harvests the crop celebrates together.’ We are
individuals, but accomplish more together.”
- At the end of a bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
“Remember that marriage is not a contest – never keep score. God has put the two
of you together on the same team to win.”
- Is fighting important?
“NEVER physically! Agree that it’s ok to disagree and fight for what really matters.
Learn to bend – not break!”
- What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
“We are both Christians and believe in God. Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.
We pray with and for each other every day.”
Herbert and Zelmyra’s response to question five is powerful! They never kept score and they recognized that they were on the “same team to win.” It is rare that I see this attitude in a couple. I see many in my office who battle to be in the “top dog” position, to prove that they are more “right” than the other, but seldom to work together “to win.” I wonder how much more satisfying and fulfilling our relationships would be if we adopted this position? How can you work together today with your spouse or your significant other “to win together?”