Whether it is a holiday, a birthday celebration, or a summer barbeque, family gatherings are always wonderful. Or are they? Often times they are. However, as I work with my clients, I find that they can also be quite stressful. I had one client a few years ago that, in a weird sort of way, found a plus side to the pandemic – they were able to cancel Thanksgiving plans with family – for which they were thankful.
So, what are some steps that families can take to increase the likelihood of successful special times together? I want to suggest three steps that might be helpful.
1) Have a game plan. Families are notorious for turning one person against another – for splitting people. Talk with your mate ahead of time about ways you can make sure that you are on the same page. This might involve eye contact, to let each other know when you need assistance, or you need to check in to make sure you are giving out the same messages.
2) During the event, especially if you have grandkids as well, make sure that any boundaries that need to be established are clearly spelled out. These could involve – areas that are off limits to young children, or could even be certain topics of conversation that need to be avoided. In today’s political climate, this might be especially important.
3) Afterwards, debrief with your spouse as to what went well and areas that can be improved upon for next time.
Family events can be wonderful. Yet, when tensions or struggles arise, taking these steps may be just what is needed to help them to still be enjoyable.