Now that may sound like a strange question, but I continue to see couples who are married – but aren’t friends. I sat with a client yesterday who pointed out what a great guy her husband is and how everyone likes him. But when it is just the two of them, it doesn’t always go so well. For example, they were recently flying home from a wedding and their plane was delayed. The longer they waited, the more irritated he became. He wasn’t mad at her – he was just mad and she was the only person he could aim his frustrations at. She hated being there. Did she feel like he was her friend? Absolutely not!
I want to briefly look at a couple of things we can do to make sure we are truly friends with our mate.
Typically, when we hang out with friends, we talk about the latest things going on in their lives – how’s work, the family, what did you think of the newest movie you saw, and so on. We take a genuine interest in the things in which they are involved. Yet, it can become easy for our conversation with our spouse to be limited to – what’s for dinner and what time do I need to pick our child up from soccer. Taking a genuine interest in what our mate is interested in can definitely strengthen our friendship.
Secondly, we can learn to be truly present and listen – really listen. Put the phone down, turn off the TV, make eye contact and genuinely listen. Remember how diligently you listened when the relationship was new? Go back to that.
There are certainly many other things that we can do to be friends with our other half, but these are two you might try out today.