If you have been married for a long time, you may easily recall some of your major milestones. Things like what you did on your first anniversary; that special gift he or she gave you on your tenth anniversary; the surprise 40th birthday party your mate threw for you; the unexpected long-weekend that you managed to plan for the two of you; and the list goes on. I imagine that most of us have some of those over-the-top occasions etched in our memories. And, yes, while those events are certainly special, it is not those marked occasions that hold our relationship together. You may be thinking, “If they don’t keep us close, then what does?”
I want to suggest today that, as much as we all enjoy those extravagant times, they are more like the bricks in our relationship – not the mortar. It is the little things that we notice and comment on in the relationship that serve as the glue. It is those little things that we take for granted, or worse, it might even be that we see no reason to comment on things our mate does that we expect them to do. As some would say, “Why would I express appreciation for what is already his or her agreed upon job?”
It is noticing those daily little things that indicate – “I see you, and what you are doing, and I am grateful for you.” Who doesn’t like to hear that? For example, telling (not just thinking) my wife I appreciate the dinner she fixed, let’s her know that I notice the little things, which is validating for her to hear. And there is some of the glue. It just may be that noticing the little things, sets the stage for greater satisfaction in future bigger things.