You are cleaning the kitchen after dinner. As you wiping down the countertops, your mate asks, “Why are you using that scrubber to clean the counters?” Immediately, you find yourself in defensive mode, trying to explain, justify, and defend your actions. Maybe, he or she, is just asking out of curiosity, but you are feeling…
Details
Whether it is a holiday, a birthday celebration, or a summer barbeque, family gatherings are always wonderful. Or are they? Often times they are. However, as I work with my clients, I find that they can also be quite stressful. I had one client a few years ago that, in a weird sort of way,…
Details
As you read this title, you may be thinking one of two things – “Of course I support my spouse,” or “I used to support him or her, but I’ve gotten out of the habit.” Regardless of where you land, supporting each other is essential for a healthy marriage. Today I want to take a…
Details
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I talk with couples a lot about communication. We all know how to open our mouths and speak words, but that is no guarantee that we actually know how to communicate. Good communication requires a few skills combined with a lot of intentionality. Today I want to talk about…
Details
Now you may be thinking, “My marriage is going great! So, why do I need to spring clean it?” We often think that when the marriage is doing well that we are best off to leave things alone. I mean, we certainly don’t want to mess up anything. But it is when we are firing…
Details
This is a question that seems to rarely get asked by couples but it can be a valuable one. You see, we date and get married and we know what we have in common. For example, you may know that your new spouse is a Type A personality, while you are not quite as driven.…
Details
I see far too many clients who are holding out for . . . any number of things that prevent them from engaging constructively in their marriage. For example, there may be an issue that is keeping you at odds with your spouse. You know that it needs to be brought up and discussed, but…
Details
It has been another long day – dealing with work and kid demands, and you are tired. Fortunately, your husband said that tonight nobody is going to cook – you’re going out for dinner. As you are about ready to head out, he asks, “Where would you like to go to dinner?” It is a…
Details
OK – perhaps you can’t really laugh your way to sanity, though it would be nice if you could. But, can humor help you deal with relationship struggles more effectively? To which I would say “Yes.” I recently sat with a couple who had just moved her 89-year-old mother into their home from another city.…
Details
Conflict seems unavoidable. And I guess, at some level, it is. Now I recognize this can look very different from one relationship to another. For some, there is conflict, often heated, nearly every day. For others, conflict may be mild and infrequent. But it still exists. I want to look at a couple of items…
Details