For many couples, this can be a trigger word. I have certainly worked with spouses who are both pretty spontaneous, which typically works OK. However, the bigger challenges are faced by those husbands and wives where one is spontaneous and the other is not. There are those who like to fly by the seat of…
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They are not fun to talk about, but we all have them – difficult seasons. Marriages seem to have several of them – the honeymoon (yes, for some this can be a challenging time); the new baby years; the everybody needs to be at their fill in the blank activity (soccer practice, band competition, gymnastics…
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“What do you mean, am I defensive? What are you saying about me? Maybe I sometimes stick up for myself when somebody is attacking me? And, well, I may at times feel as though I have to explain why I did something. But defensive, why would you say that?” We have all been there. Someone…
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You are cleaning the kitchen after dinner. As you wiping down the countertops, your mate asks, “Why are you using that scrubber to clean the counters?” Immediately, you find yourself in defensive mode, trying to explain, justify, and defend your actions. Maybe, he or she, is just asking out of curiosity, but you are feeling…
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Whether it is a holiday, a birthday celebration, or a summer barbeque, family gatherings are always wonderful. Or are they? Often times they are. However, as I work with my clients, I find that they can also be quite stressful. I had one client a few years ago that, in a weird sort of way,…
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As you read this title, you may be thinking one of two things – “Of course I support my spouse,” or “I used to support him or her, but I’ve gotten out of the habit.” Regardless of where you land, supporting each other is essential for a healthy marriage. Today I want to take a…
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As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I talk with couples a lot about communication. We all know how to open our mouths and speak words, but that is no guarantee that we actually know how to communicate. Good communication requires a few skills combined with a lot of intentionality. Today I want to talk about…
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Now you may be thinking, “My marriage is going great! So, why do I need to spring clean it?” We often think that when the marriage is doing well that we are best off to leave things alone. I mean, we certainly don’t want to mess up anything. But it is when we are firing…
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This is a question that seems to rarely get asked by couples but it can be a valuable one. You see, we date and get married and we know what we have in common. For example, you may know that your new spouse is a Type A personality, while you are not quite as driven.…
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I see far too many clients who are holding out for . . . any number of things that prevent them from engaging constructively in their marriage. For example, there may be an issue that is keeping you at odds with your spouse. You know that it needs to be brought up and discussed, but…
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