It has been a long and somewhat frustrating day at work. You arrive home planning to have a little solace in the front of the TV. However, as you walk in the door, your spouse, who is bubbling with excitement wants to talk. Talk – ugh – this requires thinking and brain cells that are functioning on impulse power only. Still she wants to tell you about a co-worker she helped to think through and solve a problem on her own today. You listen with half of one ear and then make a flippant comment, something like – “Yea that’s good, but your co-worker will probably go back and screw it up again tomorrow.” And with that one statement, you could feel the air escape the room.
A researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara discovered that a strong predictor of marital satisfaction is how well the couple is able to celebrate each other’s positive events. These couples are much more successful than those who commiserate over the negatives. This study found that couples experiencing the greatest relationship satisfaction where those who responded enthusiastically to each other’s successes, ask questions, gave compliments, and were each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
Now if you’re like me, there is nothing very surprising in this report. It makes perfect sense actually. However, here is the astonishing part – we acknowledge the truth of this research but then continue to plop down on the couch in front of the TV, computer, or video game without giving our spouse the attention he or she desires and deserves.
So, would you like to improve your marriage today, even just a little? Then seize the opportunity – whether big or small – to affirm and celebrate with your spouse. I would love to know the responses that you get.