They are not fun to talk about, but we all have them – difficult seasons. Marriages seem to have several of them – the honeymoon (yes, for some this can be a challenging time); the new baby years; the everybody needs to be at their fill in the blank activity (soccer practice, band competition, gymnastics meet; church youth function – and the list goes on) all at the same time season; the empty next season; and many more. As you can see, there are many seasons that can stretch us to our limits. Since they are inevitable, what can we do?
Let me suggest a few strategies that can help.
First – be supportive of each other. This is likely to be a tough season for both of you. Whatever you are feeling, know that your spouse may be feeling some of the same pressures. Talk with them and see if you can work more in sync – helping each other to fill in the gaps.
Second, make sure that when you feel yourself being stretched from both sides that you are prioritizing your relationship. Don’t think that you can just put your relationship with your spouse on hold for 18 years and then come back to it and pick up where you left off. That person may no longer exist. Carve out daily time, even if it’s only 15 minutes, to at least debrief with each other about the day.
Finally, remember that these stages are only temporary. There will come a time when things will slow down and you can return to your “regularly scheduled programing.” Just be sure you have nurtured your marriage along the way so there is someone for both of you to return to. If you do this, you will find that it was very much worth the effort.