Your financial planner might ask you if you are invested in the market, are you diversified, or do you at least have some savings in the bank for a rainy day. But I am not talking necessarily about your money but rather your most important relationship. Are you invested? You might respond with, “Well, yeah, I haven’t left her. I mean, I come home every night.” Or, “I still do his laundry, if that’s what you mean.” But I am talking about much more than that.
In a study cited by John Gottman, Ph.D., couples who worked the hardest at making things in their marriage “fair” were often in the most serious relational trouble. People who focused on quid pro quo thinking were not in the happiest marriages but rather were in the ailing ones. As a matter of fact, the happiest ones were those who were investing in their partner’s interests rather than their own. Their goal was to best support the interests of their mate instead of looking for ways that their partner could make them happy.
This in turn created high levels of trust between the individuals. They knew that their spouse was likely doing things for them out of love rather than out of some expectation that they would receive something in return. With this realization comes an understanding that your husband or wife has your back. Wasn’t that what you longed for when you married?
Perhaps you are already investing relationally. But if you read the paragraphs above and thought, “Boy, my spouse sure needs to read this,” you might be needing to invest in more supportive ways. My suggestion is that this week, even if you are investing well, is to look for new ways to make your spouse a priority.