I see couples on a daily basis and most often they are individually very different from each other. One person is quiet while the other is more outgoing; one is spontaneous while the other plans out everything; or each are on opposite sides of the introvert/extrovert scale. People tend to marry people who are at least partially their opposite. How does that happen?
It frequently has to do with being attracted to qualities that we don’t possess in our own makeup. Their qualities intrigue us and we like the variety that their traits bring to the relationship. However, once married there can be a strong tendency to want the other person to be just like us – and we will spend the next 50 years trying to make it so.
Instead, there is much to be gained from embracing those differences. For example, whether it is due to differing family of origin backgrounds or simply personality traits, you and your spouse may have completely opposite perspectives on how to address helping your kids financially. One of you may want to provide for their every need – paying for all of their teenage excursions, paying for all of their college expenses, and so on. While the other believes that your child should have a part-time job to fund some of those expenses so that they have some “skin in the game.” Who is correct?
This isn’t necessarily a right or wrong issue, but rather a difference of perspective. Yet, if we will take the time to see the situation through our mate’s lens, with his or her understandings, we may find merit that we missed only looking through our lens. We just may come up with a design that takes the best of both perspectives and offers a better plan, a more well-rounded plan, than either of us would have done on our own.
I encourage you to try embracing your differences and see what you might create.