I recently sat with a client as he expressed his frustration over the fact that his wife doesn’t listen to him. Oh, she was present in the room but she wasn’t genuinely engaging with what he was saying. This would lead to him getting angry and sarcastic, which certainly wasn’t productive. As a matter of fact it would only serve to amplify the conflict.
This leads to the question – how can we do a better job of listening? I want to suggest three helpful strategies today.
- Avoid trying to multitask. Researchers have demonstrated that it really isn’t possible to multitask anyway. Instead we do rapid task switching. Regardless, put down your phone, turn off the TV, and close your laptop. Whether or not you think those will distract you, shutting them down says to your partner – you are important enough to me that I will give you my undivided attention.
- Be aware of your body language. If you have closed things down but are sitting with your arms crossed looking defensively, you are not going to come across as though you are really open to listening. Instead, relax your body and look them in the eye. Truly be present in the moment with them.
- Ask good questions. Following up with appropriate questions, to learn more about what the other person is saying, will let them know that you are genuinely listening.
If you want to improve how you come across as a listener, I would encourage you to give these three strategies a try this week. I would love to know how they work for you.