I don’t think that any of us begin a marriage, planning to become just roommates. I mean, we may have had roommates in college or when we first moved out on our own. But I have never met anyone who said, “I think I want to get married so I can have a roommate.” When we marry, we desire a partner, a best friend, a lover, and much more.
Yet, so often, as we get busy with careers and having children, it is easy to not find the time to connect as we once did. But, that doesn’t have to be that way. I want to suggest three strategies that will help to get your marriage out of this roommate mode.
First, it is essential that we make an intentional mental shift. As roommates, you have probably lost some of that romantic spark, but the fact that we lost it is also an indication that we can regain it. It requires that intentionally begins to see us in that light of possibilities again.
Second, make a commitment with your spouse to reconnect. Have a conversation acknowledging where you are and how you got there. There is no need for blame. Instead, focus on where you could and would like to be a year from now.
Third, be intentional about touching more. I am not necessarily referring to sex here. But I am talking about more hugs, holding hands, and cuddling on the couch. This certainly helps to move you out of the roommate phase.
While these are relatively simple suggestions, they can easily begin to transform your relationship back into what you had planned from the beginning.