I just finished a session with a client who is very much walking on eggshells. He is anxious, his stomach is in knots, his blood pressure is up, and he has been on the verge of a panic attack. Why? Because there are some issues he knows that he needs to discuss with his mate, and yet he is afraid that addressing the issues will rock the boat. He says, he just wants to keep the peace. Yet, while there may not be an argument at the moment, his insides are anything but at peace.
It is easy not to discuss difficult issues if things are going smoothly right now. We feel as though we are better off to just go with the flow and not raise a difficult topic for fear of negative results. So, we just let it go – but not really. It typically leads to resentment, which makes communication even more difficult.
However, if we are willing to wade into the water, we may discover that it is not really shark infested. Avoiding important discussions rarely resolves anything. Tiptoeing around an issue creates a tense space between the two of you, which leads to emotional distance. Venturing into a tough topic can actually strengthen your relationship. While you may be hesitant to initiate a topic that you both know needs attention, beginning with some self-reflection can be a good starting point.
You might start by examining your own feelings and triggers about a particular issue. As you reflect, you just may discover some common ground for discussion. Yes, it may not be easy, but the growth that can transpire and the opportunity to improve connection with your spouse by tackling an issue together, can be well worth the effort.
I encourage you today, to do what may initially be uncomfortable but which can lead to a stronger relationship with the most significant person in your life.