I see many couples in my office who are in the middle of the tornado. By that I mean, they have school age children at home; they both work full-time; then they have to take one kid to gymnastics and the other one to soccer practice. The weekend comes and there are soccer games to go to. All this is on top of making sure the kids have their homework done, clean clothes, dinner, lunches for tomorrow, and on it goes. What time is left for the couple? Too often the answer is none.
While I realize that these parents are peddling as fast as they can and doing their best to keep up, things don’t work for them as a couple because they seldom connect with each other – except to talk about the kids.
I saw a divorced couple in my office who did their best to juggle their work schedules so that the kids were in daycare the least amount of time possible. One of them worked weekends and other crazy times to accomplish their goal. But they lost their marriage in the process and are now trying to figure out how to co-parent with two different households.
Doing “it all” is hard work. But truly, if our marriages are to survive, doing it all must include time for you to connect with your spouse. I understand what a monumental task it can be to try to get away for a date night. But if you can begin by carving out even 15 minutes a day – either before the kids are up or after they have gone to bed, it can keep you connected. That 15 minutes is time, not to talk about the kids or things to be done around the house, but to talk about you – each other – you two as a couple.
If you are in this season of life, 15 minutes is not the end goal; it is only a starting point. I encourage to start here and see what is possible.