While people’s inclinations seem to be the same from generation to generation, the nuances of the differences in issues can vary. One of those issues that has changed faster than our relational insights, has been around technology – particularly cell phones. I can assure you that 20 years ago I was not dealing with this in marriage counseling – at all, while today there is not a week, and sometimes, not even a day that goes by that it doesn’t come up.
A prime example of this occurred in my office yesterday. The wife was in tears as she related how once again she was playing second fiddle in the marital orchestra. She had arrived home in emotional turmoil at the dismissive manner with which she was being treated at work. While her husband isn’t always the greatest listener, she was in need of a safe place to talk about the situation and she figured he would be supportive.
About 10 minutes into the conversation, he reaches for his cell phone that had buzzed and began to respond to a text he had received. She was flabbergasted and said to him, “I am not finished talking about this.” He didn’t respond because he didn’t even hear her. He was now caught up in his texting conversation. She dejectedly walked away and he didn’t even see what he had carelessly, and dismissively, done. Whether he meant to or not, he had just communicated to his wife that she was not as important to him as whoever was on the other end of the phone conversation.
We often don’t see what being tethered to a virtual world does to the real flesh and blood people standing right in front of us. And when we miss that, our most important relationships suffer. So, this week’s tip is simple: put the phone away! You do not need it attached to you every moment. Perhaps you need to put into place some phone free zones or times so that you can actually engage in relationships without distraction. Try it. I promise – the addiction shakes will stop after a while. And if they don’t, maybe your spouse, who is in front of you, will speak to you with “LOL” “BTW” and J until they do.