As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I strongly believe that marriages can be saved much more frequently than they are – if the two people involved will honestly do the work that is needed. However, I recognize that in a society that is all too toxic and does little to encourage marital longevity, divorce is a reality.
While some may want to gloss over the effects of divorce on kids, the impact is real. Study after study have demonstrated that children of divorce experience higher rates of: poor academic performance, depression and anxiety, sexual promiscuity, self-harm, aggressive behaviors, substance abuse, and difficulties in their own personal relationships. While none of us want our kids to have these experiences, many will. But there are steps that can be taken to reduce the impact of our decision to divorce.
- Truly put the needs of your child over your needs. Yes, you may have been hurt and betrayed by your ex-spouse, but that does not give you license to poison the kids with that information. While you may believe that your ex is not trustworthy, your children love them. If they are truly “rotten”, the kids will figure that out on their own – they don’t need you to plant those ideas.
- Determine that your children will not ever hear you disparage the other parent. You certainly don’t want them talking badly about you, so it is important that you keep the toxicity out of their lives.
- While you may have trouble accepting this – your ex-spouse probably cares about your children just as much as you do – work to co-parent for the sake of your precious children. Sometimes taking a co-parenting class can help you with this process.
These are just three steps (there are many more) to help you love and protect your children from additional life stressors. If you will do these, you will be on your way to raising healthier adults.