As you think about this, you may wonder, “Which relationships are you talking about?” To which I would say, “Any and all,” especially those that are most significant.
A friend of mine recently helped his brother move to the middle of nowhere. His brother doesn’t want to engage with people and just wants to be left alone. But that is not the norm. Most of us want to connect with people – whether that be your spouse, your kids, your grandkids, your co-worker, or even your next door neighbor. But here is a point of importance – for those relationships to be beneficial, they need to be supportive.
As one author wrote, “Good relationships determine who lives and who dies.” As one recent study revealed, “social relationships were more predictive of warding off mortality than quitting smoking or exercising.” Interestingly enough, it wasn’t just any relationships, and certainly not those that were toxic, but supportive relationships that made the difference. God created us to be a part of these kinds of connections.
One of the ways that we can be supportive is in how we respond to what the Gottmans refer to as “bids.” These are nudges to get the other person’s attention. For example, your partner comes home from work and wants to share a story with you from the day. That person wants your attention. How do you respond? Or perhaps they ask for your help solving a challenging problem. Are we paying attention to their bids?
The healthiest couples who are thriving, are those who pay attention to each other’s bids. So, I want to challenge you today to consider how much attention and support do you give to your most significant relationship? As the writer says, it just may “determine who lives and who dies.” Let’s all be a part of the living. It sounds like way more fun!