When most of us get married, we, at least in part, are looking for a mate who will be safe. Yet, while that may be assumed, many find themselves in marriages that aren’t safe or protective. But wouldn’t it be nice if our marriages were a sanctuary – “A place of refuge or safety.?”
I spoke with a client on the phone yesterday who is trying to navigate an upcoming wedding and wondering how to best deal with a toxic relative who will be there. Her husband made the statement – “The kids are grown and on their own. It is now my job to protect my wife, and it always should have been.”
Safety comes in many forms – physical, emotional, psychological. and so on. While you may feel physically safe in your relationship, you may not be able to relax emotionally at all. But wouldn’t you like to? I am pretty sure your mate would like for your marriage to be a safe haven for him or her as well. I want to briefly suggest some steps that could help create this place of refuge for your partner.
First, strive to fully accept your spouse for who they are. Minimizing criticism will help with this. Second, do your best to resolve conflicts when they happen. Otherwise, resentment is likely to creep in and create unneeded tension. Third, set boundaries to protect your marriage. This could be making clear delineation between work life and home life, or, as in the example above, it may even be placing boundaries between you and toxic people. And finally, know how best to support each other. Sometimes your mate may need your help solving a problem while other times simply needing your listening ear. Know the difference; and if you’re not sure – ask.
Just a few thoughts for a Tuesday morning.