“It’s too late,” the husband exclaimed! After a 23 year marriage, his wife had berated him in front of the kids for the last time! It seemed that whenever they had a disagreement, she would use the argument as an opportunity to prove – that she was the better parent, the better spouse, the better friend, the better . . . . and the list would go on. But not anymore!
Something clicked for his wife. It was like – for the first time, she was able to see through his eyes just what she had been doing to him. She got it. And she felt horrible. She tried to communicate this to her husband but he would have none of it. She began to diligently work to change her behavior. Yet, here they were in counseling, even with the progress that had been made, with him adamantly stating, “It’s too late!”
It didn’t make sense. He had been saying that he wanted her behavior to change and she had been genuinely working to change it. Yet, he couldn’t seem to see it. As I probed, it became clear that the issue for him wasn’t that it was too late, it was that he wasn’t convinced that the change on her part was real. He was afraid if he opened himself up that he would only be hurt again. So, it was just safer to take the position of it being too late.
So, many couples find themselves doing this “It’s too late” dance,” out of fear. The fear is real and is understandable. However, if they stay there, they just might be missing out on what could be the loving restoration of a lifetime.
If you find that you are in this position, ask yourself this question, “Is it really too late or am I afraid that genuine change will not really occur?” Don’t let the “difficult” fear of the “what if” be the reason you land on the “impossible” of “it’s too late.”