This is really true. No one calls me up to say, “Our marriage is terrific and we aren’t having any problems but we would like to come in and pay you money – just to visit.” I have never once received a call like that. As a matter of fact, I don’t usually hear from a couple until they have relationally hit a wall and their marriage is in serious trouble. But they didn’t just all of a sudden find themselves in this dire situation.
Most couples begin marriage with buckets of optimism and hope. But then it happens – an unkind word, a careless hurtful comment, or a condescending remark. It rarely begins with a big fight but with those subtle items that don’t seem big enough to mention. But those little things add up and in doing so begin a slow erosion process.
For some, the erosion process gets masked by busyness with the kids or with work. Sometimes husbands and wives can avoid dealing with issues for years this way. But eventually the kids leave home and the two left at home are often strangers to each other with an abundance of built up resentments. This is when I get the call.
Wouldn’t it be easier (and a lot more enjoyable) to work this process in reverse? Instead of wearing our marriage down by small degrees, what if we did those little things that would keep our marriage fresh, on track, and improving by degrees rather than eroding? It is possible. I imagine that you easily did that when you were dating. If so, you can do it again.
I want to encourage you to increase your loving behavior by degrees. This will help accomplish two things: 1) you will enjoy your spouse a great deal more, and 2) you won’t need to call me. J