In part 1 of this discussion last week I talked about the difficulties we face if we allow our lives to become stuck with old wounds and offenses. We may have encountered harsh jealousy and selfish behavior from a sibling, feelings of betrayal that we felt over a cheating spouse, or the loss of a dear friend who turned on us. It would be expected that we would be hurt deeply by such events. However, for those hurts to continue years or decades later might be due to our own inability to move forward in healthy ways. Today I want to offer some tips around five choices that can nudge us forward.
1) Do your best to mend broken fences when possible. Sometimes we have experienced broken relationships because, very simply, we chose unkind words and hurtful behaviors in how we treated the one who may have hurt us. It is important that we first try to right our wrongs.
2) Forgive. While people are not able to go back and undo their behaviors, they can be remorseful and make efforts to change the tone of the relationship in the future. If we are truly able to forgive, we will move things in the right direction.
3) Clear out junk. If for some reason the first two steps cannot take place, we need to make a decision to discard the junk from those hurts in our life. By clearing out the relational clutter, we open up possibilities, and that includes health.
4) Be present. Choosing to live our lives in the here and now is a major step toward not residing in the past.
5) Set your sites on the future. While being present can serve as an inoculation to a hurtful past, looking and anchoring to a productive and optimistic future can be even more helpful in living forward.
By taking these five steps, we change the narrative and by changing that reality, we make possible unsticking ourselves from the past so that we are better prepared to soar into the future.