You and your spouse are working on a project, putting a table together. It is going pretty well. You ask an innocent question as to where a part goes, and without warning, he or she responds with an impatient snarky comment. Does that ruin the afternoon? Do things go sour?
Oftentimes it is not even the words you speak but the tone of voice you use when you speak those words. There are times when we may be frustrated and snap at our mate without even being aware that we are doing it. So, what can we do to better manage our tone of voice? l have a few suggestions to pass on.
First, we can monitor our mood and the situation and take a moment. It is so easy to just say something because of how we a re feeling without even giving it any thought. In other words, being snarky requires no effort. But if we can pause . . . before we react, we are much more likely to respond with a softer and kinder tone.
I always encourage my clients, when learning a new skill, to give each other a lot of grace. So, if you are working on improving your tone but accidently blow it, and we all do, simply stop, apologize, and ask your mate for a do-over – the opportunity to try again. When you approach it in this manner, you are likely to get a warm response.
One final thought, sometimes we find ourselves snapping when we are tired. Make sure you give yourself some space to decompress.
There are certainly other steps you can use to improve your tone, but I hope that these three will get you started on the right track.