I remember a few years ago when my father-in-law was in the hospital during the final days of his life. His thinking was getting fuzzy and confused. My wife and I had hardly left the hospital when we get a phone call from him. My wife answered, concerned that there was a problem, but he just wanted to talk to me. He needed to know the score of his team – the Chicago White Sox. As confused as his thinking might have been, he was quite clear on one thing – What’s the score?
Keeping score as we watch our favorite sports teams play is harmless. But keeping score in our most treasured relationship, often comes with a bigger price tag. Yet, we have all probably been guilty of that at one time or another. But why is that? Perhaps we have gotten caught up in feeling that things are not equal – that we are doing more work than our mate – that things seem out of balance. However, even if that is true, the resentment that can build up can become toxic. It is easy to get caught up in feelings that everything should be equal, but where does that come from? It may come from our childhood or from being taken advantage of in the past.
We may need to ask ourselves about the benefits of keeping score – – – – OK, I can’t think of any that play out well. So, what can I do instead? I would ask you to consider this – what if my goal was not to make everything equal but to serve my mate out of love? Taking this approach may give the relationship an entirely new flavor. I know this isn’t always easy, but if I come with a heart of service, it just may change the landscape of our relationship. Something to consider.