Now this may sound like a strange question from a Marriage Therapist. I mean, usually I would be writing about ways to spend more time together – which I am sure I will still do. For most, spending too much time together is rarely an issue. So, many couples, especially those with kids still at home, trying to find even 15 minutes a day just to debrief, seems an impossibility. But there are those rare couples who spend, seemingly, every waking moment together. Particularly, if you are in the retired crowd, this might be an issue. But how do you know if you need a bit more time apart?
First, if you find that you seem to be constantly irritated with your mate. You may find yourselves picking at each other about the most ridiculous things but fighting about them as though they are life and death issues. Those little cute quirks and habits of your spouse now drive you crazy. This could be an indication that you may need some time doing your own thing.
Second, if you find that you no longer pursue your own interests. You used to play golf twice a week, or go to the gym early each morning – but you no longer do those things. You felt guilty leaving your mate. But why? You did those things on your own while dating. So, why stop now.
Third, if you find you haven’t been making decisions on your own. You used to go to the grocery store and make lots of decisions. But now you have trouble deciding what kind of bread to buy without your mate’s input. It might just be time to exercise a bit of independence.
You see, spending time together is essential to a healthy relationship. But the key here is balance. So, if you find yourself in one of the three positions listed above, it might be time to readjust your together time.