I love doing pre-marital counseling. I have had the opportunity to work with couples from the ages of 19 to, most recently 81. And no matter the age, everyone comes with expectations. For the younger couples, it can be naïve expectations, such as – they will always be romantic, never have any negative thoughts about their mate, or, certainly, never have a fight. I work to dispel those myths quickly or else they are in for a huge disappointment.
But the senior couples that are getting married also have expectations, especially if they are widowed and had a long, good, and healthy marriage. They may assume that their new spouse will do things the same as their deceased spouse, because they are used to things being done a certain way. There is an explosion waiting to happen.
I want to consider today a couple of healthy steps we can take to improve our efforts in this area. First, we need to tackle our unrealistic expectations. This can range from “Now that we’re married, I expect that we will never have a fight,” to “My dad always put gas in my mom’s car. I imagine, now that we are married, my husband will do the same.” These couples are in for some surprises.
Second, we need to not fall into the trap of, “Surely she should just automatically know what my needs are.” However, nobody can read the other person’s mind. It is essential that we communicate our hopes, dreams, desires, and expectations.
Maybe this week, we can examine our unrealistic or uncommunicated expectations, and talk with our mate. They probably have some too. It could be interesting.